Small penises have feelings too.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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