you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
