remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Randomize
