Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
They took my balls.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
