hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
