I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
where are my eyebrows?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
