Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Randomize
