??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
