If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
