get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize