Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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