im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
