I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
