I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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