my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i just sent this text using only my big toe
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
