She said her name was "party"
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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