Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
