Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Randomize
