That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
Randomize
