You're completely useless in the revolution.
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
