i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
