Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize