Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
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