I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
