i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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