so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
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