You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I feel like Captain Blackout doesn't do her justice. Brigadier General Blackout is much better.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Can I come take down that wallpaper yet? I stopped seeing that dude and I need to occupy my time with something besides getting drunk at bingo night and cussing out old people. Also, i'm not sure on the legal stipulations but I might have, unintentionally, committed grand theft auto at some point.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
