not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone came in the potted fern
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
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