you would pick up someone in the library
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
