i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
you would pick up someone in the library
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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