the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
Randomize
