I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Randomize
