Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
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