guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
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