Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
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