Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Randomize
