If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
