Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
do all gilrs hav hair on thier vagaina ?
Don't drive home.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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