there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
