he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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