Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
