The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
