She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
