Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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