So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
and you fell through a lawn chair
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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