I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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