You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
whose ass print is on the piano?
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
