dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
