drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
