i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
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