If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
