My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize