ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
