I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
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