Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
She bit a glass in half.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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