Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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