I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
