How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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