Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
