I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Randomize
