Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
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